Dear Lola,

I got dumped in the strangest way. I am a 49 year old female and I've been going to the same church for over two years. Recently a new male member joined and there was instant attraction between us. He is 50. After chatting for a bit, he asked for my phone number and address, which I provided, on a small business card.

We spent some wonderful time together, not long but it was great talking, listening to music and getting to know each other. Nothing physical occurred, only kissing. He was kind, considerate, attentive and loving. After a short time of not hearing from him via text, calls or e-mail, he came to church and following the service he handed me back the business card I originally gave him and said to me "I don't need it anymore". No one knew we were seeing each other, but he did this in front of everyone.

Now I have to see him at every church event and he ignores me even when I say hello. He is cold, distant and unfriendly to me. How do I overcome all this? It bothers me to see him a few times per week and I do not want to change churches.

Perturbed and Confused

What atrocious behavior! From what you've said in your letter, it is obvious that although this man seemed sweet and considerate, he has some serious emotional issues. As terribly as he handled the situation, he has done you a favour by dumping you, because you don't need someone like that in your life. 

No way should you change churches. You are handling things in a mature and responsible manner, and I think that you have two options: a) You continue to be cordial, which shows everyone what a jerk he is when he doesn't respond in the same way or b) You stop making an effort to be nice and start ignoring him too. I think that you should carry on as you are, stay pleasant and cordial, and ultimately he might stop being a jerk. 

If you really feel the need to challenge his behavior, you could take him aside after church and say, "You know, I don't mind that we don't have a relationship outside of church, but I'm not sure why you are so hostile to me. After all, nothing really even happened between us, so I see no reason for us not to behave like adults." Put like that, what could he say? Should he continue to be rude to you, I would then just ignore him because obviously he is getting some kind of pleasure from acting like hot stuff who turned you down. Don't let this odious character put you off from going to the church that you love. 

Good luck.