We all imagine that we're in, or just about to find, that happily-ever-after, fairy-tale forever relationship. But with so many people divorced or in unhappy partnerships, clearly statistics don't bear that out for the majority. In fact, it's perhaps surprising how many people stay together given the differences that most of us have even as we begin our relationships! "Men and women enter marriage with different expectations, and that’s a very big part of the problem," say Dr. Lawrence Birnbach and Dr. Beverly Hyman, co-authors of How To Know If It's Time To Go: A 10 Step Reality Test for Your Marriage. "Men describe that they get married for 'sex, home and children', while women say they marry for 'relationship, companionship and romance.'"
Given those differences, it makes sense that many relationships don't necessarily falter as a result of infidelity or abuse, but more often stem from irreconcilable values, inflexibility, immaturity or squabbles over money. "Chemistry, timing, and common interests may bring couples together, but they do not guarantee long-term success," adds Dr. Jan Hoistad, a licensed psychologist and author of Romance Rehab: 10 Steps to Rescue Your Relationship. "At some point, all couples stumble upon differences that lead to conflict." That said, knowing what some of those common challenges are and how to overcome them can put you and your partner ahead of the game. So, read on to discover some intriguing ways to keep your romance strong over the long haul.
1. Wash the floor. It sounds ridiculously simplistic, but resentment over housework is one of the top-five relationship challenges that Dr. Hoistad sees in her work with clients. "One spouse may do most of the household chores and the other participates minimally--and this can occur whether or not both partners work outside the home." If you're not willing to do housework yourself, pony up and pay for a cleaning service, because this really can become a deal breaker. In fact, research shows that men's risk of divorce decreases with every extra hour of housework that they do.
2. Learn from that old couple next door. "Many couples marry without an image—or picture of what a good marriage actually looks like," explains Elizabeth E. George, a relationship expert and co-author of The Compatibility Code: An Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating and Marriage. Today, only a minority of marriages can be classed as successful or exceptional. "Therefore, watch for couples you know who seem to have strong marriages, spend time with them, and read material together on successful relationships," she says.
