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 “Loving yourself means putting yourself at the top of the priority list,” says Toronto-based life coach, Ellen Goldhar. “But most women are accustomed to doing the opposite.” With the help of a life coach, or on your own, consider the following tips (one week at a time) and watch how much better you feel the next time you catch your reflection.

Week One —Focus on positive self-talk

Most of us make an effort to speak kindly to colleagues and friends while paying little regard to how we talk to and about ourselves. Have you ever noticed how unrelenting that little voice inside your head can be? “Even when it seems we’re sitting in silence, our brains are receiving messages,” explains Goldhar. “Start paying attention to those messages. Are they providing you with confidence or chipping away at your self-esteem?” Though there is no on/off switch for that voice, you can free yourself from its harm.

First, become aware of your thoughts and replace critiques with compliments. Second, focus on what you like about yourself by finding your best features. Finally, don’t beat yourself up when you do have negative thoughts. Just know that you have the power to shift them.

Week Two — Let yourself off the hook

“One of the keys to loving yourself is being able to forgive yourself,” says Goldhar. As women, we tend to hold on to our past — decisions we made, things we said, and failed expectations. In order to feel good about yourself, you must make peace with your past and let go of the accompanying guilt. To move forward, consider writing forgiveness letters to yourself using a journal. “Once you free up space in your life, new relationships, decisions and opportunities will present themselves.”

Week Three — Clean house

“Just as we clear our homes of clutter, so too should we clear our lives of toxic relationships,” says Goldhar. “We all know someone who drains our energy or makes us feel bad.” In loving yourself, you might become more choosey about who you spend time with, and how much time you give to unrewarding relationships. “Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime, and if you are able to let go of ones that aren’t serving you, you’ll create time and space for people who are supportive of and conducive to your growth.”

Week Four — When your body talks, listen

“When our body starts showing physical symptoms, it’s an indication that we haven’t been listening to it for quite some time,” says Goldhar. “Loving yourself means honouring your body as a complete system.” Begin by responding to your basic needs. Eat food before you start to feel famished and drink water before you get dehydrated. Then, commit to checking in with yourself on a regular basis. Notice when you are feeling tension, for example, and then take the time to identify what is causing that stress or pain and relieve it.

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